Mentors

Boys to Men Mentors Approach

LISTEN

With complete attention, and free of judgment, analyzing, critique or responses. A mentor must focus on finding the strength of the young man, and relate to him by sharing their truth about what they went through. A mentor must give the boy time and attention to be sure to be certain that they have understood, they reflect what was said in our own words so that boy knows he has been heard.

ACCEPT

A mentor must meet the boy where he is, without judgment. A mentor must seek to form a relationship with the boy as he is now and learn about his world. A mentor must see his strengths and his wounds and make room for both in our community.

While a mentor is interested in where the boy might need to be and what he has the potential to become, the mentor’s primary focus is on accepting the boy just

as he is now.

MODEL

A mentor must teach through example more often than words. A mentor must act, as he wants the boy to act, with truth, respect and honesty. A mentor must be guided by the awareness that “Children do as we do, not as we say.” A mentor must seek to show up as good and honest men, knowing that for better or worse, the boys will emulate him.

BLESS

A mentor must use simple, clear, and direct words to express the honesty, courage, and compassion the boy offers. A mentor must take opportunities to reflect the boy's positives back to him in a genuine way. (We do not use superficial, pretty words to manipulate or to seek an end [for example, to build his confidence).

Boys to Men Mentors Don’t

FIX

A mentor does not provide the boy suggestions or directions as to how he should deal with his life. A mentor does not intellectualize about feelings or use techniques that encourage boys to answer intellectual questions about feelings. A mentor does not solve his problems for him. A mentor does not respond with solutions.

RESCUE

A mentor does not interact in ways that minimize, cover, or deny feelings, the boys or his own. A mentor does not offer advice; cliché’s or otherwise redirect the boy from experiencing his feelings. A mentor supports the boy in owning his feelings and guides him to his inner resources.

ADVISE

A mentor does not offer advice, especially unsolicited advice.

A mentor is not in position to take responsibility for the boy's life or for the outcomes. A mentor’s responsibility is to guide the boy to his own Truth.

PROJECT

Beware not to confuse the mentor’s issues with the boy’s; a mentor must remain especially aware of those boys who remind them of themselves. A mentor must remember that it is their role to remain a neutral lighthouse for the boy.